Friday, November 22, 2013

Ranting. As requested.

In the name of Allah,
The Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Assalamualaikum. ..

Im goin to rant abt my feelings rite now. Act, not as requested. I choose to rant on my blog yg dh berhabuk ni as I.. am so sad. Tonite. Mixed feelings.

Sarjana, tak boleh nak delete Sarjana dari kepala ni. Tak boleh nak put aside even sekejap. Always, always, remember always wujudkan perasaan yang sayu dlm hati ni and membawa kekesalan. Aku rasa pun member member aku pun dh boring dgt ranting aku tak habis habis rindu Sarjana. Im sorry, but I cant help myself. Ive tried. sorry, I am trying but its hard. Well, Im not trying to delete Sarjana in my mind, but trying to except the presence.

Regret. Yep, I felt that way. or maybe I feel it now. But in the same time, Im starting to like Al-amin. Al-amin shows me many things. Yet, im still unhappy that Im no longer a Sarjanian. Or am I really unhappy? Im getting jealous when gen e buat anything tahun ni.. Im so... jealous. Cause I cant make memories with them. But I always keep this in my mind .. " I have this feeling, which others may not feel it in their life. I have this experience which others may not experience. Also, making memories with new people. "

Kalau akuhaving hard time dkt Al-amin and perlukan words to stand up and stand still aku mesti nak cari muka member yang always ada dgn aku waktu aku menangis dkt Sarjana dulu. Ila.. Asiah.. Anis.. Alya.. Atyn.. Fiza.. Farah.. Hanim.. Fiqanis.. Syaqis.. Farhanah.. Tiqaisa.. Even ada yang aku tak rapat, but they helped me in many ways. They heared my rants.. They listened what is inside my heart... I always hurt them.. always.. I know. Tambah lagi yang rapat dgn aku.. Member KAMI... haha lawak macamana boleh rapat. Even, aku ada kak Anis, kak Fadz, kak Fae yg support aku since aku form one... Kakak kakak kesayangan aku.. Dah setahun sehari aku tak dengar suara diorang, tengok muka diorang, salam diorang..  Serious, sebak type post ni.. Sebak. Sebak. Sebak. .. . . Hujan.....

Member aku dkt Sarjana pun used to be 'new people' sama mcm member Al-amin sekarang.. And what can I conclude is my actual problem is..

Missing Sarjana.

That's why memories are memories. To be keep. To be remembered. To make us smile in tears ( as for me ). Aku sangat bersyukur aku kenal gen e. Tak kira la lelaki ke perempuan, both, ada memories. Eventho ada yang annoying, I feel grateful, I am.

I also learned that.. Missing something, doesnt mean that we have to own that thing again. Aku cuba untuk sedapkan hati aku dgn ayat tu. Hurm..

Im sad. I miss sweet memories. Usha usha the one I admire. Now, no longer................. Tak tengok dah si dia pakai baju sekolah, baju bola, baju jumaat, outing, main bola, lari, makan dkt kantin dgn banyak Tu ni........ opss dah terlari..... Amboi. Ehem.

Pardon me.

Ape pun, Ill keep those memories tightly in my head, heart. Hold it tight. . . .. I miss them.
A lot.
Like seriously alot..

AKU LAH MANUSIA YANG TAK BERSYUKUR......
padan muka kau nina.

Mungkin ni post aku yang tak patut dibaca. Aku cuma nak menzahirkan perasaan ni.

Sedih.